Go Forth and Fuck Thou

12 06 2007

Pinoys are religious people.  My mother and father are devout Catholics they took the commandment of papa Jesus ‘to go forth and multiply’ seriously and created a ‘super big family’.  With our number, we’re more than a family, we’re more like a tribu timbuktu.  We are seventeen siblings in all and in cases of newly-discovered ‘kapatid sa labas’, we’re still counting.  Papa Manolo already had six children when he met my mom, who also had five children from two fathers that time.  They lived together and decided to add four more – me, the twin and the youngest. 

We lived in a bahay kubo.  To have things organized, every pair had their own room, imagine a bahay kubo appended with a room, and another room and another room, it’s a compartmentalized train house.  

Four of my siblings in the motherside are half-Chinese and the other one is half-Irish (his father’s side are proud successors of the Bracken clan of which Josephine Bracken is related).  My siblings in the father side have Indon roots.  I am full blood Filipino but my eyes look like a slit, which makes me look more like a Vietcong.  The twins have long eye lashes, hairy manes and tiny hairs in the arms which are Spanish features. That leaves our youngest sister to be the only true blue Pinoy – raven curly hairs, petite size and brown complexion.  Hell no, she’s no brown. She’s dark, very very dark.  Okay, she’s Ita.  But she’s the beloved exotic sibling in the family.  Though we’re worried she’s so dark, nobody would marry her.  Hahaha! 

When it’s time for all of us to eat, we don’t look like a family.  We look like random people in the United Nations having a lunch meeting.  But despite the kookiness of my family structure, we have grown to love and be at each other’s side.  There are occasions when one would threaten the other with a smoking hot flat iron or pull each other’s hairs in the banyo (I was a kid and I was enjoying watching them like watching TNA Explosion or Wrestling Mania).  But of course, those were isolated occasions.  Any mention of ‘half-blood’ or step-something in the family is forbidden, else you get kooky exercises like lifting hard bound books in open arms while kneeling on green mungo. 

My siblings on both sides are smart.  In elementary and high school, they would sweep all the first and second honors and mom could not be more than proud to be always coming back the stage.  Only ate Leticia is the unfortunate ‘family goat’.  She blames being breastfed by the neighbor for not being as smart as the others.  The other siblings would assure her it’s okay, at least she gets the ‘Most Behaved’ ribbon (she’s silent all through out the class recitation)  or ‘Girl Scout of the Year’ (well, because mom donated pad locks to the school).   

I was in grade school when I learned about a boy with the same name as mine and we’re both Jr.  Yeah, what do you expect, father was again a generous donor of his sperm to another woman, and he just named the boy in my honor.  So now I have a clone, he’s now a nurse by the way.  We never got mad, we’d gotten used to it.  And for the final count of 17, father and mother adopted a boy in the kindergarten.  I thought father bought him so I have a toy, I kinda get used of smacking his head when I’m happy.  Maybe the reason why he ran away.  Bro, if you happen to be reading this, go home.  We miss you.  I won’t play Russian roulette with you anymore…  Pramis.

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41 sumagot

12 06 2007
BananaMatronix

man, you should blog more often. i love laughing to your entries. this one was particularly sweet. i don’t know if i should be alarmed by the number or the fact that your sibs are so… diverse, but you write great about them. hopefully all seventeen are successful. i’ll bet your dad just waved his dick in the air and women all around him got pregnant. that would be so cool. i am not making any sense.

13 06 2007
gbert

hahaha i was totally blown away.. whapaaaak! adik na adik yung post.. hahaha i can never imagine being in your family but diverse as it is, it should be fun… i was not laughing at your family but your post man, da best!

13 06 2007
badoodles.wordpress.com

hi dianne, thanx por pushing me to write. really i write good? wow! [wide wide grin] m itchin’ to write more but u know our work in da i.t.
ebriwan’s successful in da family anyway. though one just messed up. no! it’s not me. somebody in the family is more ‘bratito’ than i am. :)

13 06 2007
badoodles.wordpress.com

super adik talaga gbert. kaw ba naman magkaron ng tatay na paniwalang ang kanyang purpose sa mundo ay magkalat ng semilya sa bawat babaeng makasalamuha. hehe!

13 06 2007
gladita

wow! unity in diversity. hehehe… nakakalito pero masaya siguro sa pamilya nyo. i guess mas interesting i-meet ang papa mo kesa sayo. nyahaha

13 06 2007
badoodles.wordpress.com

yep gladita masayang magulo. imagine mo na lang tuwing pasko. parang sardinas sa bahay kasi may mga pamilya na rin ung iba – nagmultiply ulit. si papa naku, andun na sa langit un, mga anghel naman sigurado ang nilalandi ngayon.

13 06 2007
pepe

bayandag ka talaga ko tonyo!
wow man this is a treat! though i know everything is fiction (or is It?)
lemme do my research paguwi ko…damn how i wish wer neighbors….im really laughing my heart out and quite agree with the others: you should blog more!
love you man! (“but my eyes look like a slit, which makes me look more like a Vietcong”)..buti na lang or else nainlove na ako sa yo! hehehehe

13 06 2007
badoodles.wordpress.com

haha! it’s true pepe, all of it. da reason y m dis crazy i guess is becoz of my family and environment. very nurturing.

ive gotten used to my crazy family and now i think it’s normal while all the rest of the world isn’t. hahaha!

14 06 2007
Nemcy

One big happy family pala kayo. Ang saya n’yo naman. Kakainggit. Well, we can call it “adventure” if you may. Kasi based on your story, libre panood ng scenes, unedited and undirected! Anong panama ng mga shows like Pinoy Big Brother? Unscripted ang next coming scenes, may pagka-suspense pa. Hihihi ;)

14 06 2007
badoodles

tumpak nemcy.:) un nga lang, pag gawaan ng household tasks mabilis pa sa alas kwatrong nawawala. mukhang nag eenjoy kang tumambay sa blogsite na to ah. salamat marami. haha!

14 06 2007
Chi

your entries just made my day a little brighter… they we’re so funny, I couldn’t even stop laughing… galing!

will be linking you up, hope you don’t mind.. :)

14 06 2007
badoodles

live from new york city, presenting mommy chi! wow! m elated to have an esteemed blogger at my site [naku mapapalaban ako ng inglisan sau!] haha! maraming salamat sau. be linking u up too.

14 06 2007
cat

hindi ko alam kung totoo to o joke lang, hehehe..totoo ba talaga ito badoodles?hehehe

no wonder you’re so funny kasi nanggaling ka sa isang malaking pamilya(?)
sana nagets mo, hehehe

14 06 2007
badoodles

hi cat ganda, naging trivia na nga sa opis yan: ‘ilang magkakapatd cna badz?’ sebentinnnnn!! sabay tawanan. ok na un. di ko maimajin na isa lang kapatd ko, pag di kau bati, wala ka nang kakampi. hehe!

16 06 2007
cat

hi badoodles, happy father’s day :)

16 06 2007
Nemcy

Ayaw mo yata Badz na “tumambay” ako ah… ok lang, sabihin mo lang kung ayaw mo. madali ako kausap :p

17 06 2007
Shari

Haha, I thoroughly enjoyed this post! A refreshing slice of life, only all of it were true. I can’t imagine having 15 more siblings. I have quite a hard time dealing with my pesky brother as it is, lol.

Well, happy father’s day to you. And especially to you father! Yay! :D

18 06 2007
badoodles

hi cat, m not sure about dat, no one’s making a claim as yet. thanks God! hahaha! hapi father’s day to ur dad too.

18 06 2007
badoodles

hi nemcy, ahihi. biro lang. it’s my honor to be one of ur peyborit sites. i already added u as one of my peyborits too sa technoratic links. i-peyborit mo din ako sa technorati ha.:)

18 06 2007
badoodles

my shari amor, ders onli one way to deal with a bandido brother. throw him in the air by grabbing his ballz. my sister did that to me and i never messed up with her since. :)

18 06 2007
isagani x, m.a.

WOW. 17th! :P

18 06 2007
badoodles

yep. and counting. news flash, pati ung inahing manok ni san pedro gustong pagtripan ni papa. magkakaroon na ako ng kapatid na chick.

18 06 2007
SexyMom

hope he reads this, but if you do not get a response within a month, i suggest you go to wowow wee (is the name correct?). recently, 2 guys looking for their lost mother and lost father each, were reunited after may many years of being separated. apparently, in each situation, the mother and the father simply lost track of their children. it was a tearful, but a happy reunion when they were shown with their individual father and mother, in national televsion.

20 06 2007
badoodles

hi sexy mom, hmmm… i am considering that as the last option. plus the repercussions. i can’t announce to the whole nation that m looking for my brother who ran away bec i like smacking his head with a remote and giving him some kung fu moves. although everybody knows that’s what little brothers are for, but the whole nation will stone me to death for sure. :)

25 06 2007
tinaloops

Hahahaha. Fuckin’ A, bruz. You are a crack up. Hahahahaha.

I loved the United Nations side note. Hahahaha.

I’m featuring you on my blog—> http://tinaloops.multiply.com

check it out if you have Mults, nakaprivate kasi mga posts ko doon. I dunno, I must’ve thought I was an important enough person to set posts on “private”.

PISH. =D

25 06 2007
badoodles

hi tinaloops, really? pers taym kong ma-feature kunsakali. thanks for the site visit. be linking you up. i also liked the united nations part. ngayon ko lang na-realize, nakakatawa pala. parang… oo nga ano.. we damn look like random pipol from UN. haha!

27 07 2007
auee

syet patawa, galeng mo ‘toy.

Too bad masakit na muscle ng mukha ko kapipigil ng tawa, gusto ko pa sanang magbasa ng magbasa dito.

28 07 2007
badoodles

salamat naman auee. to lang pantanggal natin ng stress given our worklod deliberabols. tambay ka ulit.

15 08 2007
ellie m.

grabe. laki ng family nyo. akala ko la nang tatalo sa father’s side ng family ko…trese silang magkapatid!hahahaha

15 08 2007
badoodles

@ellie hehe. dyahe mang isipin pero dats da truth. saka di pa yan ung official count. hehe.

16 08 2007
chona

siguro ang gulo nyo pag oras ng pagkain ano? kami kse 4 na magkakapatid, magulo na… what more kayo… anghaba siguro ng hapagkainan nyo ano?

16 08 2007
badoodles

@chona tumpak. isang mahabang lamesa parang pyesta palagi kahit tuyo, kamatis saka toyo ang almusal ansarap pa din. nung lumaki laki na kami naging per batch na kumain. ;)

17 08 2007
chillidobo

We look like random people in the United Nations having a lunch meeting.

haha. wow. international ang dating. sana pati mga putahe international. para astig. nice one. again, nakahalukay na naman ako sa baul mo badoodles. Oi, nice name, Baul ni Badoodles. :-P try naming your archive that.

17 08 2007
badoodles

@chillidobo oo adobong sibuyas saka japanese toyo. hehe baul ni badoodles pedeng pede. kaso na-copyright na ni pareng heneroso un.

10 09 2007
merl gwapa

Wa ha ha ha, ang saya saya naman ng family mo, to the highest level ang papa mo ah. Gwapo ba papa mo? gusto ko tuloy makita ang pix nya ha ha ha ha. Sana wag kang mag mana dun hu!

1 11 2007
istarfish

galeng-galeng naman. i have half-bros en sisses din pero d kmi nagkasama sa isang haus.

hmmm…

patambay sa blog mu ha..

add kita sa faves ko..nyehehe..

7 11 2007
ninong

andami dami dami dami nyo naman… parang football team… hehe.

pero nakakatuwa din… :D

7 11 2007
badoodles

@merl pangit gwapo tatay ko kamuka ni elbis presley na may hang-over. saka pinaghalong edu manzano at cristina aguilera. putek, haha, bahala ka nang mag-imajin.

7 11 2007
badoodles

@istarfish anu pangalan ng blog mo? di ko makita para ma-add din kita sa blog links ko.

sana mag reach out ka din sa half bros en sis mo kasi kalahati ng chromosome nila kapareho mo din. nasa dugo lang yan. parang my marvel taheebo. hehe

7 11 2007
badoodles

@ninong dami dami naman namin! isang futbol team saka wid audience na yan at salsalerong si ako. hay naku buhay.

25 11 2012
Melissia

i had to share your vid from CGE TV? coz its hilarious.. hope it goes viral too….. visit http://goo.gl/HNBgn to watch pinoy tv shows

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